You made me cry and you don't even care
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
