i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
