Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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