its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
