Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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