Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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