I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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