He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
