...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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