All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
