She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
