I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
