You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
