I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
