you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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