Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
