Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
