is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
