I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
