ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
vagina is talking i cant
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
