she was so not down for the gang bang
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
