he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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