I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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