It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
