what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
