I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
