so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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