my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
