It's Friday. Sex?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
