My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
