I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
