i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
