So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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