Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
