let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
