he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
