Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
