Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
