Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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