if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
