At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
