i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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