I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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