Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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