If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
