She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
is that a dick in a sweater?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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