I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
