Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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