Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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