My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
