All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
