His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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