You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
