I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
