I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
