Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
