this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
