So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
