I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
