FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
