from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
