Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
