Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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