Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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