Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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