yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
