I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
