I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
pray to the hookup gods
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
