I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
