but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
