so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
