I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the day after is always just damage control
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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